And then I started to wonder. I was curious about why my body wasn't responding. If the hips were carrying all of my un-dealt-with emotional baggage, what was it that I was hanging on to that was stalling my progress? Over the course of the next few weeks I took the time to be mindful and tried to be curious about my emotional state throughout the day. It was only after reading a wonderful article written by yoga teacher, Kathryn Budig (the publication escapes me) that my epiphany ensued. She explained the negative effect that the pressure she had placed on herself for 'perfection' had on her during one yoga class when she had practiced next to a woman to whom she thought she would never live up. Having compared herself in a negative way to another left her feeling scattered and frustrated with her practice and angry with herself for feeling that way. So was that they key? Did I need to simply stop expecting my version of perfection or to shift my perspective of what perfection was?
The next day I made a few changes to my yoga practice: I shifted my mat to the kitchen, rather than the living room; ditched my usual routine and instead enjoyed an online class which allowed me to be led through the asanas rather than forcing and pushing myself into the next pose as I usually did. I emptied my mind and allowed myself to fall passively into my practice, closing my eyes, feeling my breath and finished up feeling a focus and clarity which I hadn't yet experienced as I savoured savasana. And were my hips more flexible? Could I push further through pigeon? No. But I suddenly realised that wasn't the point. I had come to a place where I was content with where I was; proud that I had spent time with my mat and hopeful that I was somewhere closer in my journey to the peace of self acceptance.
(IMAGE: By lululemon athletica (peace) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)
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